are you still at the devil's house?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Couch. On fire.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
