I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
