STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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