So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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