I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize