I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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