O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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