She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
