its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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