i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
