I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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