Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
