I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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