i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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