I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i will never coherently bang her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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