i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
