I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
