I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize