Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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