So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
