you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
