its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
