it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
