Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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