You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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