You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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