Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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