there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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