My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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