He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
