I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
