remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
