I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
