ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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