what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
