saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize