Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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