You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
