At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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