This is not my ceiling
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
