I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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