I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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