FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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