i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
