Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
