The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
