I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
