I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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