So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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