Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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