we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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