Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
