now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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