I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Boobs are out for the taking
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
