That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
