My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
