So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
