theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize