no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
foreskin is a definite game changer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
