Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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