The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.