I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
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If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.