Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We left the knife in your bed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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