Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please don't give away my fajitas
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
