On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
