I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
jump out the window naked night went bad
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
