i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
