I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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