I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
